I’m small and it’s OK
The new year is here and as usual, I have big ideas.
Grow my blog! Lose all the weight! Be the best wife, mother and homeschooler EVERRRRR!
Ahem.
After almost a half century of life, I also know myself. The first week of January I will be all gung ho, spend all the money, do all the things…and I will crash and burn before Martin Luther King Day rolls around. I will, very quickly, come face to face with the fact that I am small and I need God.
Looks like I’m not alone.
From Emily Freeman’s book Simply Tuesday (referral)
(Jesus) constantly turned to his Father in everything refusing to hold his own glory, walking as the most dependent man who ever lived. And now the Spirit of the most dependent man who ever lived has made his home in us.
If it’s good for Jesus, it’s good for me.
There are so many ways our smallness shows up in mothering and homeschooling, especially when you are introverted and sensitive. Heck, just the sheer amount of talking at me here on a daily basis is enough to make me cry!
I think many of us were taught in various ways, mistakenly, how big we are. How we were expected to fix others, to make them happy. Unfortunately, that never really worked, did it? We were told we had God’s job and it was impossible for little us, although we tried. We were shamed for being small, and I know I still carry that inside me like a lump of hot coal.
Instead of forgetting or running from my own smallness, what if I chose instead to look it in the face, to settle down into the place where I am, to notice what is happening around me on my ordinary days? What if these small moments are the very portal into experiencing the kingdom of God? I believe they are — and if we miss them, we miss everything. We run right by the kingdom’s doors, and no matter where we go, we have missed the door that leads us home.
I’m not saying I, or you, shouldn’t have goals and dream dreams. I think they are important. But let’s embrace our own smallness, our own small moments:
…reading to your insatiable toddler (extra points for the same story over and over), feeling your heart swell to the vision of your child on stage for the first time, explaining long division, explaining long division again, spill wiping, laundry doing, staying up late listening when your body is screaming for your bed, burning dinner, and laughing to family jokes over take-out.
This is it. This is the kingdom of God. Right here in your midst.
I’m slowly coming to grips with my own smallness. I’m small, and it’s OK. In fact, it’s beautiful.