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#write28days of Nervous System Regulation: Day 28 – Stewardship

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation: Day 28 – Stewardship

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We did it! It is Day 28 of #write28days of Nervous System Regulation and this is the last day. Patting myself on the back for writing 28 blog posts in a row, I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. If you blog you might enjoy doing this next year – it was a lot of work but I met some wonderful people and learned a lot about myself and blogging.

So today’s topic is “stewardship.”

I believe as a Christian that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It has only hit me lately what a big deal this is. As a temple of the Most High God, I should be very careful with my body, soul, and spirit. I should be a good steward.

Part of this is taking good care of my nervous system, trying to heal what has been damaged and taking care to not hurt it again, like I have been writing about all month.

I think fellow HSP moms like me also often feel selfish when we stop and say, “Hey, wait, I matter too.” Our kids needs alone can be all encompassing, and then there is the rest of the world clamoring at our door. But the thing is, if we are good stewards of our inner resources and heal ourselves, we might then have energy we never thought possible! In the end we will be MORE generous if we have boundaries and don’t give too much of what we don’t have.

This year I used Jen Fulwiler’s Word of the Year Generator to pick a word to focus me for the year. I often pick more than one word and see what kind of “story” it gives me. This year, my words were “generosity,” “see,” and “grounded.”

I really think that was perfect. I don’t want to lose my heart for GENEROSITY despite needing to focus intensely on myself in my illness and healing.

SEE reminds me that there is a reality out there – that I am a finite creature with real weaknesses, that God loves me, that I have a dignity the same as other people, that I have true physical and emotional needs and it is OK to meet them. I am not a good steward if I continually grind myself into the ground. There is a healthy tired, and a completely burnt out tired and deep down I think we all know the difference.

And GROUNDED makes me think of moderation – not living too much in deficiency of the virtue of generosity, nor in excess. Right down the middle, where peace lives.

Thank you all for joining me on this #write28days journey! I am both glad it’s over (it was intense!) and will miss it!

I hope to continue to write about the nervous system, healing from trauma, and related topics. There are so many fascinating things to talk about. Please let me know if you have any topic requests in the comments!

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 14: Rare

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 14: Rare

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Welcome to day 14 of #write28days! Today’s word of the day is “rare.”

What do you think of when you hear the word rare?

The Oxford Dictionary defines rare as:

1. (of an event, situation, or condition) not occurring very often.
2. (of a thing) not found in large numbers and consequently of interest or value.
3.unusually good or remarkable.

Do you know what the most rare thing is? YOU! You are one in almost 8 billion, and God wanted one of you here. You are “consequently of interest and value,” and “unusually good and remarkable.” You are not just some accident. God knit you together (Psalm 139). In the same psalm, right after saying we are knit together in the womb, the psalmist says, “Wonderful are Thy works!” You are rare and wonderful!

Something else that is rare is being an HSP. I’ve heard 15-20% of people are highly sensitive. While it can sometimes be difficult, do not think of it as a curse, but a superpower. However, in order to thrive as HSPs, we do have to often live in a rare way. We aren’t *like* all the other people, we need stop treating ourselves as if we are.

It may be any number of things you need to do – you are an individual and there are probably as many answers as there are HSPs. Just know that it is OK if you are doing things differently than others – having less clutter, seeing a therapist, sleeping more, not watching the news, cooking on the weekends so that you just reheat on weekdays, making sure you have time to gently stretch every day non-negotiable — whatever it is, it is your fertilizer to grow your own rare flower which is you.

Honor your needs, then you can be the generous person God designed you to be.

 And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a lonely place, and rest a while.” – Mark 6:31

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 7: Ease

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 7: Ease

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Welcome to #write28days of Nervous System Regulation! Today is Day 7, and the word of the day is “ease.”

Ease. Not something most people have a lot of these days. Oh, things may seem easier on the surface than in the past – I mean, most of us who are reading blogs don’t have to butcher our own meat, wash our laundry by hand in a bucket, or use an outhouse.

So while many tasks may be easier, I don’t think they have been replaced with ease — the Oxford dictionary defines being “at ease” as: free from worry, awkwardness, or problems; relaxed.

(Hmmmm, free from awkwardness…not sure I will ever achieve that, LOL)

We are not supposed to live a life of ease as in “not working” ever, but neither are we supposed to live a life of mental exhaustion every day.

Today’s culture has replaced community and physical labor with rushing, individualism, debt, and shame. We applaud those who climb the corporate ladder and make fun of rest and play and child-like trust.

But God commands that we rest and Jesus reiterates that Sabbath rest was made for us because we need it. (Here is a great list of Scriptures that talk about rest.)

Rest isn’t just physical rest, though, just as important is a psychological or mental rest.

Unfortunately we often pick things that aren’t *truly* restful to our nervous systems and souls, like mindless scrolling Instagram. (*guiltily raising hand*)

We don’t get enough sleep, often because we crave our “alone time,” without kids. But maybe if you actually got enough sleep and rest, you wouldn’t need that alone time as strongly.

Or we go about rushing from one thing to the next – sometimes so that we can “get to the good stuff.”

“Oh if I just rush through my work I’ll have more time to relax” – but then the rushing created more stress than the relaxing you are doing can make up for!

Here is a good article about why rushing is hard for HSPs.

Also, staying busy and rushed all the time is a trauma response. We avoid being still. (As an aside I am not necessarily recommending the therapist in this article. I know nothing about her, it was just a good explanation of the topic.)

I believe we all need more truly quiet time, rest, and play.

I haven’t figured this all out yet for myself, because after a lifetime of shutting out my own desires and needs, I don’t even KNOW what I like, what I really want, what would help me truly relax. But I know it’s a goal, and that’s a start.

 I *do* know, that God is there for me, and that is probably the most important part.

Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you. – 1 Peter 5:7

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 2: Broken

#write28days of Nervous System Regulation – Day 2: Broken

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I’m joining Anita Ojeda for #write28days where we write every day of February on a topic, guided (if we so choose) by her word prompts. This weeks prompts fit in so well with my topic that I’m giving it a go.

Today’s prompt is the word “broken.”

How many of you have grown up thinking you were broken? (*raises hand*) That there was something wrong with you? And as your sensitive nervous systems reacted and life became harder and harder were convinced that it was true – you must be broken?

Dear ones, you are not broken. Did you know that when your nervous system “freaks out” it is doing *exactly what it is designed to do* – protect you? That your reactions are natural consequences to what has happened to you in your life and not some sign that something is wrong with you?

That being said, sometimes our nervous systems get a little stuck in the past – although that is a somewhat negative way to explain something that is a natural, protective move of your nervous system as well, and not a sign that it is broken. Your nervous system is designed to run along tracks of habit most easily. This is to your advantage, as long as the tracks it is running on were not set down by repeated trauma that you are no longer in. (And by “trauma” I don’t just mean the big things.) When we are safe but our body doesn’t quite realize it yet because we are moving along neural pathways set down by trauma, we may feel broken, it is true.

The beauty of brain retraining practices, and learning how to regulate your nervous system, is that it can take these natural ways the the nervous system reacts and use it to our advantage. To come into the present and live it with joy. When this happens, our body relaxes, and has the energy to do what it was designed to do, and we begin to heal.

Beloved, you are not a screw up, messed up, broken. A project that needs to be “fixed.” Your body is only trying to protect you, and it just needs to gently, oh so very gently, be shown the way.

Thank you for joining me on Day 2 of #write28days. Day 1 is here if you missed it.

All that and a bag of chips

All that and a bag of chips

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Late last week my son came home from school sick – turns out it was THE virus. He’s handling it well, but we worry due to the immune suppressive drug he is on. His fever is gone now, and today he woke up and was like, “Can I have a sandwich? Make it filling!” He was finally really hungry after not eating much for days. Yay!

So even though I had little energy and I had just sat down with a hot cup of tea, to kill off whatever germs might be lurking in my own throat, I happily went downstairs and made him a sandwich with all the fixings, cut up an apple, and even found one of those little bags of chips he takes to school and put it on his plate. I was so relieved he was feeling better and that made it easier to ignore my own tiredness and desire for my tea, and serve my son with joy.

I brought it back upstairs to him and realized just how hungry I was at that point. I also remembered my now cold tea. “I spent my last bit energy on my family, as usual,” I thought, a little dejected. “All those stairs. Oh well, I’ll just drink the cold tea and grab something easy.” (And most probably not good for me, I’ll add here.)

*Record Scratch* Wait! Let’s back this truck up. This ^^ above is not the person I want to be, and I am working hard toward right thinking and true self care.

To me right thinking is gearing my thoughts towards ultimate truth, as far as I can see it. Like the truth that I am as worthy of my own care as my son is, even if I’m tired. I was tired when I made HIM his meal, wasn’t I?

There were two main problems with my thinking, as I see it.

First, when I began trying to turn my thoughts around, I initially thought, “OK, stop feeling sorry for yourself” — I got to the “you” and stopped myself. Am I really feeling “sorry for myself”? Or am I just having feelings?? Ladies and gentlemen, it is OK to have emotions, and to feel them. When people tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, usually they are just *uncomfortable* with your feelings and want you to move on. I don’t want to be one of those people, to myself or others.

Instead I thought, “What am I actually feeling — what are the individual emotions?” Today I was feeling tired, lonely, a bit frustrated and sad about some things, along with great relief and joy for my son. I realized those feelings were valid considering my situation, and allowed myself to feel them.

Second, I noticed that I always default to “I’m too tired to do anything good for myself, I’ll just do the easy thing.” But when my son said, “I’m hungry!” I immediately had enough energy do complete the task and helped him happily. Am I so worthless that I can’t muster some joy for myself to get me through some lunch making? NO! If it was another family member I would have gone down and made them a nice lunch as well. I am not healthy, and the truth is I deserve at least as good a diet as I make for my loved ones.

So I questioned myself, am I really *too* tired, or am I my usual tired, but also sad and a little lonely, and struggle with self worth? It was the latter, and so I realized I *could* make myself a sandwich, with joy. And I did! A nice one just like my son’s. I also reheated my tea so I could enjoy it.

I didn’t give myself a bag of chips though.

I opted for a cookie. 😉

………………………………………

Are you learning to care for yourself too? What do you find easiest to do for yourself? Hardest? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

I’m small and it’s OK

I’m small and it’s OK

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The new year is here and as usual, I have big ideas.

Grow my blog! Lose all the weight!  Be the best wife, mother and homeschooler EVERRRRR!

Ahem.

After almost a half century of life, I also know myself.  The first week of January I will be all gung ho, spend all the money, do all the things…and I will crash and burn before Martin Luther King Day rolls around.  I will, very quickly, come face to face with the fact that I am small and I need God.

Looks like I’m not alone.

From Emily Freeman’s book Simply Tuesday (referral)

(Jesus) constantly turned to his Father in everything refusing to hold his own glory, walking as the most dependent man who ever lived.  And now the Spirit of the most dependent man who ever lived has made his home in us.

If it’s good for Jesus, it’s good for me.

There are so many ways our smallness shows up in mothering and homeschooling, especially when you are introverted and sensitive. Heck, just the sheer amount of talking at me here on a daily basis is enough to make me cry!

I think many of us were taught in various ways, mistakenly, how big we are. How we were expected to fix others, to make them happy.  Unfortunately, that never really worked, did it?  We were told we had God’s job and it was impossible for little us, although we tried. We were shamed for being small, and I know I still carry that inside me like a lump of hot coal.

Instead of forgetting or running from my own smallness, what if I chose instead to look it in the face, to settle down into the place where I am, to notice what is happening around me on my ordinary days? What if these small moments are the very portal into experiencing the kingdom of God? I believe they are — and if we miss them, we miss everything. We run right by the kingdom’s doors, and no matter where we go, we have missed the door that leads us home.

I’m not saying I, or you, shouldn’t have goals and dream dreams. I think they are important. But let’s embrace our own smallness, our own small moments:

…reading to your insatiable toddler (extra points for the same story over and over), feeling your heart swell to the vision of your child on stage for the first time, explaining long division, explaining long division again, spill wiping, laundry doing, staying up late listening when your body is screaming for your bed, burning dinner, and laughing to family jokes over take-out.

This is it. This is the kingdom of God. Right here in your midst.

I’m slowly coming to grips with my own smallness. I’m small, and it’s OK. In fact, it’s beautiful.


Learning to Swim

Learning to Swim

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I was watching a Brave Writer video the other day on copywork and learning disabilities (linked below). In it, speech-language pathologist Rita Cevasco is talking about choosing the difficulty level of your students’ work when she says,

“You’re not learning how to swim when you are drowning.”

You are not learning how to swim when you are drowning.

Is anyone else having bells go off in their head when they hear that?

Not just about your students, but about you?

How often we are drowning as HSPs and moms??  The noise, the smells, the chaos and lack of sleep? The never-ending-ness of it if you are also homeschooling? Or have littles and are up at night so one day just blends into night and into the next day?

And how many of us just push and push through, telling ourselves that it shouldn’t be this hard, so we must be doing something wrong…it’s US so we’ll just keep trying to be like the non-HSPs next door.

Yet *denying* that that is my reality, that I am sometimes (often) drowning and not swimming, doesn’t help me any!  “I should be able to do more! I should be able to stand this!” Saying these things does not make them true.

We need to learn to live within our abilities, even if they are less than we want, even if others are shaming us for them, even if we are “disappointing” people.  In the end, that is on them, not you.  It absolutely hurts when the condemnation gets aimed at us, but *they* are wrong, not you.

I know there are so many things we can’t drop if we are mothers and homeschoolers.  SO. MANY.

But maybe we can jump way back, out of the minds of others where shame and condemnation live (sometimes our own minds are the worst for this), out of the culture that bases worth on productivity and usefulness, and think about ourselves and our own needs.  Pray for wisdom about what is yours to carry.

When I’m not drowning, the gifts God has gifted me with get a chance to shine and be used.  Little by little I’m learning to swim.

 

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Here’s the Brave Writer Video.

 

 

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